I'm sorry to do this in a letter, but you MUST have seen this coming. We've never really gotten along. Sure, you've been in my life for what seems like forever, but I'm honestly just SO ready to move on.
I'd love to say something like "it's not you, it's me" to soften the blow, but it'd be a big cliche. It'd also be untrue, because you know what? It isn't me. It IS you.
You have the annoying, overbearing habit of showing up at the worst possible times. You've ruined my plans more often than I can count. None of my friends even want to hang out with me when you're around, for Pete's sake! The red flags have been there for a long time.
Why did I even put up with you for this long? I guess the best answer I can give is "I was weak". But you know what? I'm DONE. I've gone through boxes of Kleenex over you, and I've finally had enough.
So this is it. The end of the road for you and me. I want you to leave, and I don't want you to come back. Don't try to get at me through my friends or my kids, either. I want you far away from me and everyone I know.
That's right, Cold And Flu Season. I'm breaking up with you.