Hurt

Hurt sucks. Whether it's hurt feelings or physical pain, hurting just sucks. Hurt is something we all understand, though we may deal with our hurts in very different ways. One person may "turtle up", retreating into an emotional or social shell until the worst is over. Another person may work overtime at some cathartic task. Someone else may find their pain morphs into anger or frustration.
When I hurt, I do all those things and then some.
Tonight my feelings are hurt because I am painfully lonely. I am not proud to admit I am feeling jealous of my husband because he is at an event I'd typically really enjoy and I'm not. It's a convention and serves as a reminder of the fact that breaking my leg meant I missed a big convention I'd looked forward to for nearly a year. And that same leg still hurts to the point that I simply CAN'T go anywhere or do anything for any length of time. Tonight I forced myself to take the kids to the Halloween store for costume shopping. I couldn't handle the thought of going to the store or making dinner or going out. I wound up choking down drive-thru McDonald's for dinner, because I was exhausted.
This leg thing happened on July 5. I've only been able to drive for the last few weeks. Know what I do when I get out of the house? I go to Physical Therapy, which is less than 3 miles from home.
Meanwhile, my husband goes to writer meet-ups or beer nights, and in the daytime it's either out running or at the gym, or he's closed off in his office. The kids are at school in the day, and neither want to just hang out with me all the time. So I sit on the couch with my foot propped up alone, or I go to bed alone.
Note the theme throughout is ALONE.
Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate and NEED alone time. It's just that I'm feeling particularly out of step with the rest of the world. I don't like that feeling.
My injury hurts, but the loneliness it's created hurts a hell of a lot, too.

My response to William Saletan

I'm finding that I'm just not getting over Mr. Saletan's initial post about the Roman Polanski rape. His second article didn't do anything to ease my mind. After reading the third follow-up, I decided to leave a comment. Below is what I wrote.


Here's the line that still bugs me

"A guy who goes after 5-year-old girls is deeply pathological. A guy who goes after a womanly body that happens to be 13 years old is failing to regulate a natural attraction. That doesn't excuse him. But it does justify treating him differently."

No, actually, it does NOT justify treating him differently. I developed breasts and started menstruating at age 8 - does that mean a man who failed to regulate his sexual attraction with me should be excused because he was just thinking with his "little head"? I looked old enough at age 12 that I could have gotten into R-rated movies alone. If I were to smile at an adult male at that age, looking as old as I looked, would that have been an invitation to give me alcohol and drugs and then proceed to orally, vaginally and anally rape me?

In testimony, it is clearly revealed that the girl repeatedly said "no" to his advances. However, he proceeded to do as he wished. What part of "no" means "oh, she really wants this"?

Furthermore, in your entry you seem to allude to the idea that the girl's mother should be held responsible. However, from the testimony I've read (and yes, I have read it, very carefully), it doesn't sound like her mother was a pimp.

So here we are, three articles in about Polanski, and I STILL have the impression that you Just Don't Get It. Blaming the girl because she looked older, or because she'd had sex before, or whatever, is a PROBLEM. I don't care if the world's top fashion models paraded down Main Street stark naked, that is STILL not an invitation to be raped. If a man rapes anyone - regardless of gender or age, there is NO justification for treating him differently.

Rape is not acceptable. Ever. Period.