Friday, October 23, 2009


Hurt sucks. Whether it's hurt feelings or physical pain, hurting just sucks. Hurt is something we all understand, though we may deal with our hurts in very different ways. One person may "turtle up", retreating into an emotional or social shell until the worst is over. Another person may work overtime at some cathartic task. Someone else may find their pain morphs into anger or frustration.
When I hurt, I do all those things and then some.
Tonight my feelings are hurt because I am painfully lonely. I am not proud to admit I am feeling jealous of my husband because he is at an event I'd typically really enjoy and I'm not. It's a convention and serves as a reminder of the fact that breaking my leg meant I missed a big convention I'd looked forward to for nearly a year. And that same leg still hurts to the point that I simply CAN'T go anywhere or do anything for any length of time. Tonight I forced myself to take the kids to the Halloween store for costume shopping. I couldn't handle the thought of going to the store or making dinner or going out. I wound up choking down drive-thru McDonald's for dinner, because I was exhausted.
This leg thing happened on July 5. I've only been able to drive for the last few weeks. Know what I do when I get out of the house? I go to Physical Therapy, which is less than 3 miles from home.
Meanwhile, my husband goes to writer meet-ups or beer nights, and in the daytime it's either out running or at the gym, or he's closed off in his office. The kids are at school in the day, and neither want to just hang out with me all the time. So I sit on the couch with my foot propped up alone, or I go to bed alone.
Note the theme throughout is ALONE.
Now don't get me wrong, I appreciate and NEED alone time. It's just that I'm feeling particularly out of step with the rest of the world. I don't like that feeling.
My injury hurts, but the loneliness it's created hurts a hell of a lot, too.


  1. OMG! It is exactly my lonliness that creates the excessive hurt I feel and when people blow me off for other things the pain I feel is so out of proportion and I can't explain it in a way anyone understands. The lonliness makes every injury overwhelming.

    Thank you maybe now I can explain it.

  2. So sorry to hear you're still hurting, and in those very different ways. I know it doesn't help much, but there are plenty of people out here who like you, and feel for you. And you can't feel lonely for those of us who've never met you in person!

    Hope you're better soon!


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