When "cutting spending" results in tragedy

As many of you know, I've been a long-time advocate of mental health issues. My ex-husband is on permanent disability due to his bipolar disorder (which was well-treated until insurances changed and he had to switch to a doctor who I personally believe is responsible for making my ex-husband into a man who can no longer work). My daughter was diagnosed with Early Onset Bipolar Disorder (NOS - Not Otherwise Specified), ADD, and other issues. I have battled with the demons known as depression and anxiety nearly as long as I can remember. I had severe postpartum mood disorders after the births of both of my children.

So believe me when I say that I feel strongly about the issues surrounding mental health insurance coverage, stigmas, access to treatment, and so on.

As someone who has worked for many years within the interests of postpartum mood disorders, I've unfortunately become familiar with those rare but tragic cases in which a mother suffering from psychosis has harmed her child. I've also tried to educate myself about other issues tied to the health and well-being of families.

A trend I've noticed getting worse in our tough economy is that there is more violence against others, both within the family and outside of the family. In so many of the cases in which someone goes on a shooting spree, or abuses a spouse, or harms a child, we find that the perpetrator of the violence is experiencing high levels of stress and very often has an untreated or poorly treated mental illness.

When so many people are struggling just to find or keep a job, struggling to feed themselves and their families, struggling to make ends meet, it seems completely irresponsible to cut funding to outreach programs, to affordable mental and physical health care, to eliminate or greatly reduce the availability of support systems in place to help the very ones who need it the most.

It seems that whenever our governments - from the national level down to the local level - need to cut spending, the first thing on the chopping block is the absolute LAST thing that should be cut. We need to encourage our leaders to offer support to those in need, not pull the rug out from under them. We need to reach out to our communities and ensure that there are options for those who are struggling financially, so that they can at least maintain their health.

Until we start making the mental health of our people a priority, start making mental health services available everywhere to everyone that needs it, we'll keep seeing a rise in crime. We'll keep reading tragic stories about parents harming or killing their children. We'll keep seeing suicides rise.

Without affordable, available mental health care, we take away what is already so hard to come by in these trying times - hope for a better tomorrow.

Doing what’s RIGHT, not just what’s “legally required”

There are some things I’ll never understand.

Trigonometry.

The fascination with “Jersey Shores”.

How anyone could catch a pedophile IN THE ACT OF ABUSING A CHILD and just walk away. Without stopping the sicko (and following up with kicking the living shit out of him). Without calling the police immediately to report the sleazebag.

Or how anyone who’d been told “I just witnessed a boy being anally raped in the shower” could refrain from calling the police immediately. Or demanding that the pedophile be held immediately legally accountable for his heinous actions. Or following up to say “hey, this guy is still around young boys, who he likes to anally rape, so why isn’t this scumbag getting a 10 inch dose of karma down at the county jail right now?”

Or how people can be so enamored with a sports team or a school or an individual that they will riot and destroy property, while failing to consider that the issue at stake is that YOUNG CHILDREN were victimized, failing to consider that the children who were victimized are older now and are watching while those who were in a position of authority are somehow transformed into heroes by, at best, misguided protesters.

I’m talking, of course, about the story out of Penn State this week. Maybe it’s because I’m a parent. Maybe it’s because I couldn’t care less about sports. Or maybe I just have the life experience that those rioting college kids don’t yet have, the experience that prevents me from feeling invincible and untouchable. Maybe it’s because I’ve had my own experiences with being victimized by adults who knew what they did was wrong and horrible, and I can’t help but empathize with the children who were preyed upon by a pedophile in a position of trust and power.

All I DO know is that I feel rage – white-hot, pure rage – when I think about how badly the victims (the children who were abused are the ONLY victims, by the way – not some awesome coach or some school’s reputation) were failed by the adults who they relied upon to protect them.

It really should go without saying, but apparently it needs to be said, taught to teachers and coaches and administrators, written by a skywriter, posted in every office and locker room, and so on. In case anyone, aside from the pedophile and all of his enablers and accomplices, needs to have some clarification, I thought it’d be helpful to put this out there in no uncertain terms.

IF YOU SEE OR KNOW ABOUT A CHILD BEING ABUSED:

1)      Call the police

2)      Tell everyone related to the abuser – his bosses, his co-workers, his family and friends – that he is an abuser and should not be around children under any circumstances

3)      Call the police again to follow-up

4)      Tell the parents of the children you know have been abused about what you’ve witnessed

5)      Help the parents press for criminal charges, find mental health services for the children, or anything else that may be needed in order to help and support the children who were victimized

6)      If the bosses, police, or others in authority don’t take swift and definitive action, call the damned press and have THEM lean on whoever in authority needs to be leaned on to do the right thing

7)      Did I mention calling the police?

Really, how hard is this to wrap your head around?

What horrific things must people in the sports world be caught doing in order for them to stop getting a free pass? Apparently, if you want to get away with rape, pedophilia, driving drunk, fighting dogs, spousal abuse or any other illegal offense, being in the realm of sports is the right career for you. As long as you can help lead a team to victory, by all means, let’s turn a blind eye to any unsavory behavior for which you may be responsible. As long as you bring in a lot of revenue for your school or organization, feel free to be as reprehensible of an excuse for a person possible.

It’s shameful that anyone would dare to say “aww, poor staff members who’ve lost their jobs”, while there have been (so far) EIGHT VICTIMS who have come forward to say they felt powerless against an adult in whom they and their families placed their trust. Statistically speaking, how many more victims have yet to report their sexual abuse? And how many more will never speak up, but will live with the fallout of being a victim of sexual abuse?

My health and how it impacts my life

I know this starts out on a low note, but gets uplifting at the end. I promise!

My health impacts my family every day.

My kids already know that Mom is going to say "maybe" or "we'll see" no matter what they ask to do later in the day or the week. They know this because they've had to live with a Mom who has fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, persistent nerve damage in my foot, and a tendency to pick up things like sinus infections and colds thanks to the compromised immune system that can be a part of the fibromyalgia package. They know that in the morning I may talk about what I'd love to make for dinner that evening, may even go to the store and get the ingredients, but by dinner time I will likely be unable to do the task and it'll be "fix your own dinner night"...again. I've missed most of my son's ballgames and martial arts events. I don't sign up to volunteer for school things because I know I can't be reliable. 

My husband and I don't get to do many things together because so often I just don't have it in me to go anywhere or do anything. He often is the one who has to take care of things like laundry and cooking, because I can't lift the laundry basket or stand in the kitchen for more than a few minutes at a time. I've nearly given up even daydreaming about getting a job - I wouldn't let anyone hire me, because I know I couldn't be counted on to be at the job at a given time on a given day - so I can't contribute to the family's finances. (I can, however, contribute to it's expenditures thanks to frequent doctor visits and approximately a metric ton of medication I take on a daily basis.)

My health impacts my friendships, too. My brain still believes I can move quickly and efficiently, but my body has other plans for me. This results in my often being late to pretty much everything. I've set the clock in my car about nine minutes fast to try to trick myself and get places faster. I have gotten to the point that I respond to most every party or gathering with a "maybe", because I just can't know whether I'll be mobile two weeks from now - I can't even predict how I'll be two HOURS from now - and I know that must be so frustrating to the person hosting the event. I want to be able to help my friends when they need it - help them move to a new place, or bring over some food or flowers when they're feeling under the weather - but I know when I say "let me know if there's anything I can do" that it probably rings hollow. There are so many fun things that crop up - day trips and live comedy and such - and I feel guilty every time I RSVP with that "maybe", every time I DO go but feel like I'm holding others back from doing all they wanted to do. 

Ultimately, when I'm having bad days (and they seem to be more and more frequent each passing year), it's hard for me to be with the people I care about and do the things I want to do for them. It's hard to admit to myself how bad things are getting, to accept it all. My mind still wants to push the belief that I'm okay, that I can make plans, do things. My body just isn't on board with that at all.

Aside from everyone else, my health impacts ME.

I've always wanted to go back to school, and I've put it off and put it off. Now, though, I just don't think I have the mental ability to retain what I hear, to learn things and process them. There's no way I can be certain I'll have the energy or ability to walk to different classes. Even if it was an online learning situation, I don't know if I have the ability to concentrate and focus enough to consistently complete assignments.

I have so many things I want to just be able to get up and do. I want to paint the little entryway a different color. I want to organize my office/craft room so I can sew and scrapbook and read. I want to be able to plan a meal and actually cook everything I'd planned to cook. I want to be able to stand at the sink and wash all the stuff that isn't supposed to go in the dishwasher. I want to be able to do a load of my laundry and put it away all in the same day. I want to be able to go places with my friends and be on time. I want to be able to RSVP with a "yes" and be able to follow through with it. I want to clean out the garage and clean out the clutter from the house and have a big garage sale. I want to be able to clean my house enough that I'm not ashamed to have people over. I want to be able to host a game night or a movie night. 

I want to feel better. It's why I keep my eye out for studies to participate in - so that maybe I can help researchers figure out what fibromyalgia is all about and find reliable treatments. I want to be able to think clearly and remember things.

When my pain levels are on the high end, day in and day out, it's so hard to be positive. It's so easy for that negative self-talk to creep in and take hold. During the worst of it, I worry about everything. I feel useless and worthless and hopeless when I'm in constant pain at a high level for days on end. Am I developing alzheimer's or is it just "fibro fog" that's got me thinking fuzzy? Do I actually have a terminal illness they just haven't discovered yet? If this is how I feel at 40, will I be able to function at all 20 or 30 years from now? If I'll be hurting this bad for the rest of my life, will I have to exist like this or worse for 20 years or more? Will my friends tire of my inability to do things and stop inviting me altogether? Has my inability to do things harmed my kids in some way? Will my family finally realize how much I hold them back and move on without me? Will my body always feel more like a prison than a temple?

So I try. I push myself to go out and do things if I'm able to move at all - even if it results in my being pretty much glued to the bed for days afterwards. I enjoy being with the wonderful group of friends I've got here, so I'll do my dead level best to hang out with them. I love going to sci-fi conventions and the like, so I'll go ahead and get a pass, even if it means I just find a room to sit in the whole day and not looking around and seeing lots of different things. I get online and research things, because I love to learn even if I don't retain it. I love doing things with my family, so I'll go to the fair with them even though I'll wind up planting myself in a chair somewhere while they go on rides and play games - I'll be "home base", a place to check in or drop off things they've bought or won. I'll keep daydreaming about going to school, and getting a job, and being a provider. I'll keep trying to clean the house, even if I only get one tiny task done. 

I'm not giving up. I'm not giving up the things I love or the people I love just because my body is falling apart. I'm going to keep trying, keep fighting, keep hoping, keep praying. I'm going to try to remember and live with the grace my Dad showed throughout the pain and suffering he endured in his last years. The scene of his lying in his recliner, eyes closed, clearly in pain, and saying "thank you, Lord" on every exhale sticks with me. It reminds me to be grateful for everything, even the pain, because it let's me know I'm still alive. I'm still here in the world with my family and my friends, able to enjoy them and love them and cherish them. And that's something worth fighting for.

The WriteRunner: Writers Digest ’11 Conference Report

The WriteRunner: Writers Digest ’11 Conference Report

My husband, an aspiring author, wrote about his experience this weekend in which he traversed the country to attend a writer's conference. It's pretty darn exciting! :)

Tragedy in Tuscon - gun violence, politics, and mental illness

It's taken me a few days to try and process my feelings about the violence that erupted when 22 year old Jared Loughner opened fire in a grocery store parking lot on January 8, 2011, wounding 14, including Democratic Representative Gabrielle Giffords, who remains in critical condition, and killing six.


This is such a complex issue. Whether politics was to blame, both the right and left are using this as a springboard to either deny any responsibility for the hateful rhetoric being cast around or to point fingers and lay blame. People for and against tightening of gun laws are using this tragedy to "support" their arguments. And many people are asking "why was this obviously mentally unstable young man not somehow treated and prevented from doing what he did?".


I'll try to tackle these three issues as best I can, but it's just not as cut-and-dried as we'd like, to be honest.


Politics, Rhetoric, and the Social Climate We Live In Today


While it's true that just because someone like Sarah Palin has targets over the politicians with whom she disagrees on her website, it's also true that she didn't actually commit this heinous crime personally. Glenn Beck spouting his beliefs doesn't equate to someone acting violently. However, when a person in a position of power (a politician, a television or radio personality, a popular musician, and so on), they MUST remember that words have an impact. Words have POWER. The Becks and Palins of the world have got to understand that they have a responsibility to not just their fans or supporters, but to the society as a whole.*


What good can possibly come from anger, from fear-mongering, from putting all of this negativity out there about our fellow Americans, our fellow human beings? Why not use those public voices to truly try to build bridges rather than tear them down, to work together for the good of the entire country and its citizens? Maybe they all just need to read and adhere to the concepts of this article, and learn how to fight in a way that actually accomplishes something, solves something.


When Rush Limbaugh uses this tragedy to say things like Democrats seek to profit from the shooting and that Jared Lee Loughner has the "full support" of Democrats, I have to wonder if anyone truly even WANTS to make things better, or if they just thrive on the drama and the chaos, the American public be damned.


Furthermore, while they are not directly responsible for the actions of one individual, they should at the very least have the decency to apologize for the possibility that their words or deeds might have influenced anyone to commit a violent act. Instead, some of them seem to fall back onto more finger-pointing, more rhetoric, more incendiary speeches and actions.


* I realize that both sides do this. It just happens that with the current political situation it's the right's turn to create this chaos.


The Right to Bear Arms


Gun ownership is another hot-button issue, with strong feelings of what's right and fair. In the aftermath of these sorts of violent events, the whole gun control conversation heats up. Some call for restrictions on certain types of guns or ammunition. Some call for tighter control over who can legally purchase a weapon. You may hear comments like "we should all have guns so we can take out guys like these", calling for what is essentially vigilante justice. You also might hear "only cops, soldiers, and other such people should have guns". There are plenty of variations on the theme from one extreme to the other.


Apparently, reacting in fear among gun buyers that changes in the current laws may be coming, gun sales in Arizona and other states have increased dramatically. Meanwhile, people like the folks at the Brady Campaign to Prevent Gun Violence are actively working on making it more difficult to obtain and carry firearms in an effort to reduce gun violence.


While our Constitutional rights must be protected and upheld, it's hard to argue against tightened security measures for gun sales when you look at 9 year old victim Christina-Taylor Green, who was interested in becoming a politician herself one day. 


Mental Illness, Personal Rights, and the Law


As we learn more about Jared Loughner, it becomes apparent to many of us that he was an increasingly mentally unstable young man. The community college from which he was suspended has released records that highlight the troubles he had while attending. According to friends from his youth and neighbors, his home life was one that became isolated over time. Even strangers on a message board urged Loughner to seek help.


It's important to note that not all violent people have mental illnesses, and not all people with a mental illness are violent. It's easy to say "he's clearly crazy, so why wasn't he locked up?", but it's much more of a complex situation with a much more complicated solution. Should we really consider locking people up because they might one day "snap"? Isn't that a slippery slope to start down?


Everyone, including the mentally ill, have rights. The law is such that an adult cannot be involuntarily committed unless it's determined the person is an immediate danger to himself or others. Once upon a time, the mentally ill were stashed away in institutions. Nowadays, there are laws to protect civil rights - laws that can be frustrating when trying to have an adult involuntarily committed.


This sort of violent act leads to the question of whether, and how, should mental health care practices change. During a time when so many people are without jobs, when many insurance companies refuse to cover mental health treatment, and budget cuts from the local to national level limit the resources available to this segment of the country, it's hard to see how we can keep people from falling through the cracks. We must address the fact that we don't currently have adequate resources.


As a side note, I feel it important to mention that the National Alliance on Mental Illness not only functions to advocate for the mentally ill and their families. NAMI also provides information and support to individuals and families dealing with mental illness. If you or a loved one is struggling, please contact them.


Now What?


We, as a nation and as individuals, have some thinking to do.


What do we want to do in terms of our future as a country? Do we really want to keep on going down the path we're on - one of suspicion and vitriol, one in which nothing seems to get accomplished aside from a lot of fighting and not a lot of moving towards something better? Do we want to support the people who seem to want nothing more than to stir things up?


In terms of gun ownership, do we want more or less restrictions for those who want to purchase a weapon? Do we want to allow just anyone to have certain types of ammunition, or to restrict it to police and the like, or to ban it altogether? Do we want to require not only background criminal checks, but also checks for any history of personal or mental health issues? Do we want to insist that gun safety classes be a requirement for owning a weapon?


As for mental illness, do we insist on more funding, more resources and more afford-ability for everyone who needs treatment? Do we accept that some of this funding might necessitate a hike in our taxes? Do we lobby to have the rights of the mentally ill destroyed so that we can more easily have them forcibly institutionalized?


Ultimately, this is OUR country. Yours and mine. Ultimately, it's OUR voice, OUR support, and OUR money that decides the future of this nation. The big question is, will we strive for a better tomorrow by addressing the issues of today?


Our current President Barack Obama has encouraged civility in the wake of this tragedy. Will we be civil as a nation, or will we continue to up the rhetoric ante on both sides until we self-destruct?