Please help my big sister

My sister is 16 years older than me. She's had to become a very strong lady as life has thrown more than a fair share of curve balls her way.

I can remember watching her dig for potatoes in our garden when, as a single parent, she was struggling to make ends meet. I know for a fact there were many times she literally went hungry to ensure my nephew would have food to eat.

As a teenager, I remember getting a call late one evening from her, hysterical and in tears. Her second husband (who was, I truly believe, her soul mate) had died from a heart attack, and she couldn't save him. It nearly broke her.

A few years back her last marriage ended in such a devastating way that I honestly had to pray all the time because I feared she might take her own life. He was simply that horrible to her.

She's struggled with fibromyalgia for a long time now, as well as neuropathy. A few years back she had to have carpel tunnel surgeries on both hands. Then she contracted the MRSA virus.

Through it all, she has remained as hard a worker as her health would allow (frankly, MORE than it should allow, but she's a stubborn fighter).

Now she faces another health challenge. During a recent routine mammogram they discovered cancer. She's gone through surgery to have the mass removed, along with two lymph nodes. She's about to start radiation treatment. Various cancers are prevalent in our family. We lost our Dad, Pa, and and uncle to prostate cancer. We've also lost grandparents and cousins to cancers. To hear the 'C' word in conjunction with my sister is a terrifying thing.

She works for a friend who'll be retiring in October - someone who knows that some days her health keeps her homebound, someone who wouldn't fire her for missing work. At 56 years old, with poor health, finding a new job will be difficult. Finding one with a boss who won't penalize her for her health seems impossible.

Her medical bills are already outrageous, and with radiation, follow-ups, etc., it's only going to grow.

She is a strong, independent, and proud woman. It's always been easier for her to do things for herself than to accept help. However, as her sister I can't sit by and do nothing. So, friends and family, I humbly ask for help for my sister. Some of you may know her personally. Many of you may not. But ALL of you who help - even if it's only to pray or send healing vibes her way - are SO very appreciated.

My convention checklist

Since it's almost time for San Diego Comic Con, I thought it'd be good to revisit this blog post. PLEASE feel free to add your suggestions, as this post was originally written more for the average convention rather than a BIG con like SDCC.

I attended my first convention way back in 1998, when I flew from TN to St. Louis for a Hercules/Xena convention. That was also the first time I boarded an airplane, come to think of it!

Since then, I've attended quite a few more conventions. Along the way I've developed a sort of system that works for me, and I thought I'd blog about it in case some of you aren't con vets and need a few handy hints from the trenches.

My list of must-haves:

1. CASH! Yes, most venues has an ATM on-site or nearby, but the lines can be worse than the ones for popular panels and autographs. At larger conventions I've witnessed ATMs running out of cash, too. Some vendors will accept plastic, but EVERYONE takes cash.
2. A comfortable backpack is a must for conventions. Make sure it's roomy enough to put any purchases, freebies and such that you'll accumulate throughout the day.
3. A three-ring-binder is my most important bring-along item! I always have a few sheets of notebook paper, several sheet protectors, a trading card protector sheet, and a zippered pencil pouch. The pouch always has a couple of pens and pencils, a highlighter as well as Sharpies in black and silver (sometimes I'll toss a red and a blue in there, too). If you collect autographs at all, you'll be VERY glad you brought these items. The sheet protectors and trading card protector sheet are perfect for keeping those autographed photos and cards from getting crumpled or smudged. The paper is great for taking notes during panels, doodling when you're bored in line, and such.
4. Water and a couple of snacks are things I really can't recommend enough. If food is available for con attendees, I can guarantee they will be marked up like crazy. Not to mention, it's easy to get overheated or have your blood sugar bottom out when you're on the go for hours on end. So be sure you pack some sustenance - trust me on this one.
5. Comfortable clothes and shoes, and a spare pair of socks. Yes, you might look stunning when you first arrive, but after several hours of walking around, being jostled by crowds, experiencing the heat that hundreds or thousands of bodies can produce in an enclosed space, the LAST thing you'll care about is how adorable those new high heels look with your outfit. So dress with comfort in mind. (Trust me, though, you can definitely look sexy AND be comfy.)
6. A camera is something you may or may not use, but it's a good idea to have one on hand. Don't forget extra batteries for it, too.
7. Since there are lots of great posters (many free) available at conventions, bring a poster tube to keep your new posters wrinkle- and fold-line-free.

A few extras you may want to shove into the backpack:

• over-the-counter pain medicine, such as Tylenol or Advil
• mouthwash, breath mints, or a couple of those little disposable toothbrushes
• (for the ladies) a spare couple of tampons or pads. Even if it's not your special time of the month, it's entirely possible you'll get to play the hero for a panicked, less-prepared person in the ladies room.
• sketch pad - sometimes artists will do a little sketch for you and sign it, which is always cool
• charger for your cell phone - in your down time you may plop down near an outlet. This is especially useful if you're also live Tweeting or blogging from the con.
• your laptop. This one's a fairly individual choice, and depends on whether you mind the extra weight as well as whether you'll actually use it at the con.
• small gifts for your favorite convention guests. Again, this is an individual choice. I like to stock up with candy to pass out, as sometimes the guests don't even have time to grab a bite to eat. 

Finally, there's something else I like to do prior to a convention. I like to go to the convention's website and review the list of guests. I like to familiarize myself with the folks who'll be there so I'll have at least some idea of who they are and what they're "known for". 

Once I get to the convention, my first order of business after getting through the door (which is, in itself, sometimes quite the ordeal) is to look at the program and use my highlighter to mark the things I most want to do so that I can plan the rest of my day around those "must see" moments. I'm also mindful to try and get to the room for more popular panels WELL in advance of the panel's scheduled start, because I've seen rooms fill up and people who've been waiting in line for ages are turned away. Find out whether the con you're attending clears the room after each panel, or allows people to stay in the room from one panel to the next. Some people have no problem camping out in a spot and staying there through several panels that don't interest them just so they can have a good seat for the one they DO care about.

The second order of business is to find out which booths are having freebie giveaways, locate them on the convention floor map (if provided), and plan out my route so that I can use my time efficiently and have a decent shot at collecting my most-coveted goodies.

Thirdly, I check out the photo-op schedules and highlight the ones I most want to do. Some guests will have a few different photo-op times available, but other guests may be there for a very limited time and have only one photo-op on the schedule.

All in all, conventions can be TONS of fun. My best advice would be to enjoy yourself, relax, and remember that the convention guests are people just like you. Treat them with respect, of course, but don't build them up to some god or goddess type status. If you just treat them like the real people they are, you might even get to hang out at the bar with them or find yourself involved in a really cool conversation with them. If you need a time-out to de-stress, take that time-out rather than push yourself beyond your limits.

Overall, the goal is to have a fun, exciting, enjoyable experience. I hope this will help you achieve that goal.

The Break Up Letter

I'm sorry to do this in a letter, but you MUST have seen this coming. We've never really gotten along. Sure, you've been in my life for what seems like forever, but I'm honestly just SO ready to move on.

I'd love to say something like "it's not you, it's me" to soften the blow, but it'd be a big cliche. It'd also be untrue, because you know what? It isn't me. It IS you.

You have the annoying, overbearing habit of showing up at the worst possible times. You've ruined my plans more often than I can count. None of my friends even want to hang out with me when you're around, for Pete's sake! The red flags have been there for a long time.

Why did I even put up with you for this long? I guess the best answer I can give is "I was weak". But you know what? I'm DONE. I've gone through boxes of Kleenex over you, and I've finally had enough.

So this is it. The end of the road for you and me. I want you to leave, and I don't want you to come back. Don't try to get at me through my friends or my kids, either. I want you far away from me and everyone I know.

That's right, Cold And Flu Season. I'm breaking up with you.

wish list

Add this to my wishlist (the items, plus the body to go with it):

http://www.hipsandcurves.com/plus-size-lingerie/p-255-plus-size-parisian-style-floor-length-skirt-default.aspx

My take on the Southwest vs. Kevin Smith Fattie Throwdown

I've been following the story of director and actor Kevin Smith's recent travel woes with popular carrier Southwest Airlines with more than a little interest. The issue surrounds the apparently long-standing policy of Southwest to allow it's individual employees to make judgment calls about a passenger's size and whether a given passenger is "too fat to fly".  I've got a horse in this race because I am what is commonly known as a "fat chick" myself.

There are, naturally, at least two sides to every story. Kevin Smith's side can be heard on his podcast in his own words and voice at "SModcast #106: Go Fuck Yourself, Southwest Airlines", and you can read his two (as of this blogging) online journal posts about it entitled "'Burn Hollywood, Burn!' Writes Unhappy Middle-Aged Woman" and "Running Out of Gas On This Subject".  Southwest Airlines also have two blog posts on the subject so far: "Not So Silent Bob" and "My Conversation with Kevin Smith". In addition, both Smith and Southwest are on Twitter at @ThatKevinSmith and @SouthwestAir, respectively, the former of which essentially broke this story by tweeting his frustrations in the immediate aftermath of his being removed from the flight on which he was already seated.

Now clearly, Southwest Airlines must take it's Customer Service Commitment very seriously - it's a nearly 30-page document, after all. Why, right there on page two it clearly states "Southwest is proud
to incorporate its voluntary Customer Service Commitment in its official Contract of
Carriage reinforcing our pledge to provide safe, affordable, reliable, timely, courteous,
and efficient air transportation and baggage handling service on every flight we operate...". Well, I don't know if publicly humiliating anyone (celebrity or not) is what I'd necessarily call being courteous, but I'm not a dictionary editor or anything so what the heck do I know?

The party line Kevin Smith was given in his recent experience was that his sitting in his seat was a "safety issue". Now, according to him, he could buckle his safety belt without any need for an extender, the armrests on both sides of his seat could be fully put down without a problem, and the women seated on either side of him said that he was not infringing upon their seats. He wasn't seated in an exit row, to the best of my understanding, either. So where, exactly, did this "safety" issue come into play?

Some comments on various blogs and Twitter discussions have been along the "if there's an accident, I don't want to be blocked in by some lard ass who's wedged into their seat". And you know, I get that...to a point. But right there on page seven of that Customer Service Commitment document it says

"In compliance with 14 CFR Part 382 at least 50% of our aisle seats are fitted with moveable armrests on the aisle seat in order to facilitate a safe and dignified transfer from a boarding chair to the aircraft seat." 

Now maybe it's just how I'm reading it and I'm completely misinformed, but that SEEMS to be saying that at least 50% of their aisle seats are built to accommodate folks who require wheelchairs to board. Not to be politically incorrect, but it would seem like those people would be just as much of a safety hazard for blocking Joe Doe in as the average fat person. If it comes down to safety, I have to ask - how safe is it to let anyone fly who has an injury or illness or disability that renders them incapable of escaping a plane in an emergency without assistance? I suppose infants and children who aren't really good at walking yet should be banned from flying, too, since they'd potentially block the more able-bodied passengers escape route.

Oh, I forgot. It's OKAY to discriminate against people for their size. If someone was removed from a flight for the color of their skin or their religious beliefs, there wouldn't even be a debate - that sort of discrimination is not acceptable, period. But if you shop at Lane Bryant or some men's Big and Tall store, it's apparently perfectly fine to eject them from the flight EVEN IF THEY AREN'T DOING ANYTHING WRONG.

Here's a novel idea. How about we don't discriminate against ANYONE?

Having said all of this, let me be clear on an important point. I'm absolutely aware that safety is of the utmost importance on a flight. It's why I don't put up too much of a fuss when I'm told to remove my shoes or even to throw away the bottled water I JUST purchased because I can't take it through the security check-point (but I am, of course, allowed to purchase ANOTHER new bottle of water once I get through security). If there was a LEGITIMATE reason for why "fatness" equals "safety", I'd like to hear it. But honestly? I fear it's much more about how fatness makes the non-fat uncomfortable - and I'm not just referring to physicality, here.

If I get to the point where I need to buy two seats, I will do so. Frankly, having armrests dig into my fleshy rolls for several hours isn't all that appealing an idea. The "Guidelines for Customers of Size" states the following:

"Customers who are unable to lower both armrests and/or who compromise any portion of adjacent seating should proactively book the number of seats needed prior to travel. The armrest is considered to be the definitive boundary between seats and measures 17 inches in width. This purchase serves as a notification of a special seating need and allows us to process a refund of the additional seating cost after travel (provided the flight doesn’t oversell). Most importantly, it ensures that all on board have access to safe and comfortable seating."

Wait a minute. Back up to the gate! Did I just read that last sentence correctly? "ALL on board have access to safe and COMFORTABLE seating"?! Even if I lost lots of weight, I'd STILL not have access to COMFORTABLE seating - I'm 5'11" tall! Sure, there's more leg room in the emergency exit row, but as I'm still recovering from last summer's injury I'm not eligible to sit there. Oh, and even if I somehow figured out a way to shrink down to a more airline-friendly 5'6" or so, I experience discomfort if I'm sitting near someone with overwhelming body odor, or waaaaaay too much cologne/perfume, or a pitiful crying baby, or...

So yeah. I'm still trying to figure out how someone who measures 16.5" in width is SAFE while someone who is 17.25" in width is UNSAFE.

I don't love the idea of having certain weights/sizes classified as a disability - there are plenty of us fatties who can move and shake right along with the rest of the world! - but I'm wondering if that's what it's going to take to STOP THE DISCRIMINATION.

Kevin Smith is not, by a long-shot, the first person to have experienced this oh-so-special brand of size discrimination. This man was denied boarding for his size on a return trip (yet the trip TO his destination was, magically, just fine): the airline said he was denied due to his behavior, but who WOULDN'T be visibly upset when told "you're too fat to fly"?! Southwest has run into problems with it's fat passenger policy a few times over the years. And this issue isn't just cropping up in the United States. A French man was humiliated by his experience with Air France.

The fact of the matter is that the MAJORITY of Americans (according to a recent study, 68 percent) are overweight. I understand that airlines strive to keep operating costs low and profits high, and that to do otherwise would probably result in their company going under. However, when considering the fact that over half the US population may be subject to this rather abstract and hard-to-uniformly-enforce policy, the airlines MUST understand that this sort of public relations snafu is going to have a potentially negative impact on their bottom line as more paying customers fear being humiliated publicly for THEIR "bottom" line.

I know Kevin Smith isn't everyone's cup of tea. I understand that many people think he's just some spoiled celebrity who didn't get his way. I even understand that plenty of people think fat people = _insert your own negative fat stereotype here_.

Personally, though, I think this case is just one in which they humiliated a fat person who just happens to have access to a lot of people and just happens to be unwilling and unable to quietly go away with his head hung in embarrassment. Many of us who are fat, or who have been fat, already know how easy it is to be emotionally beat down and to feel ashamed of who we are and how we look. We know how hard it is sometimes to speak up; we know it's much easier and generally less painful to just try to walk away with what little shred of dignity we've managed to cling to when being made to feel like something less than human. I'm GLAD a celebrity has brought this issue back to the forefront, because so often we average Janes and Joes simply don't have a loud enough voice to be heard.

This policy that Southwest (and many other airlines) have about customers of size is understandable, but it's far too subjective and has been handled far too callously. This policy is NOT clear and definitive, which leaves it up to each individual airline employee along the path from ticket purchase to plane departure. I hope this most recent uproar will bring much needed attention and change to the issue. NO ONE deserves to be treated as "less than" - not for their size, not for their religion, not for their gender, not for their race, not for any reason.


P.S.
I really liked this person's blog on the subject, as well, if you care to read it:
Southwest Fails Kevin Smith and Themselves